Navigating the Emotional Terrain of Surrogacy

At Hawaii Surrogacy, we have the privilege of sitting down with many of our Intended Parents (IPs) as they move through the deeply personal journey of building their families. Throughout this process, a wide range of emotions emerges—some expected, others surprising—as parents become more immersed in their path to parenthood.

One moment that often stirs unexpected feelings is when IPs begin creating their matching profile, especially the heartfelt letter to their future surrogate. What seems like a simple task can open emotional floodgates—bringing up overwhelm, vulnerability, and even a sense of emotional paralysis. How does one put into words the magnitude of hope, longing, and gratitude they feel?

Emotional discomfort can also arise in conversations with close friends or loved ones. Well-intentioned comments about infertility or alternative family-building methods may seem harmless but can land as subtly painful reminders of the journey’s complexity. These interactions often reveal deeper layers of vulnerability that may not have been fully recognized.

For IPs living with long-term medical conditions or those in same-sex relationships, the possibility of needing help to build a family is often a long-standing reality. Even so, when that need becomes present and tangible, it can stir grief, questions of identity, and the weight of societal narratives around parenthood. There’s a profound emotional reckoning that can happen—one where resilience, grief, hope, and worthiness coexist.

So how can Intended Parents protect their emotional well-being while navigating this sensitive landscape?

The truth is, those closest to us often don’t fully understand what surrogacy entails—emotionally or logistically. Their questions or assumptions, though well-meaning, can unintentionally miss the mark. That’s why it’s so important to cultivate emotional boundaries, share only what feels safe, and seek support from those who can listen without judgment or agenda.